ACTUAL ANSWERING MACHINE ANSWERS RECORDED AND
VERIFIED BY THE WORLD FAMOUS INTERNATIONAL INSTITUTE OF ANSWERING MACHINE ANSWERS.
1. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave
your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.
2. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message.
3. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.
If you are my parents, please send money.
If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money.
If you are my friends, you owe me money.
If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
4. Hi. Now you say something.
5. Hi, I'm not home right now, but my answering machine is, so you can
talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.
6. Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?
7. Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a "sexy" message, I'll call sooner!
8. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of
9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages.
My owners do not need siding, windows, a free trip or another damn
credit card, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their
office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me,
leave your name and number and they will get back to you.
10. This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic
thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your
number and your reason for calling, and I'll think about returning your call.
11. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave
me a message, and if I don't call back, it'syou.
12. Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now.
Leave a message and then wait by your phone until I call you back.
13. If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't
home and it's safe to leave a message.
14. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain
silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.
15. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone
right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it
up and down, and I like doing it left to right ... real slowly. So leave a
message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.